Grace and Courtesy
“A child who becomes a master of his acts through… repeated exercises [of grace and courtesy], and who has been encouraged by the pleasant and interesting activities in which he has been engaged, is a child filled with health and joy and remarkable for his calmness and discipline” – Maria Montessori, 2007. The Discovery of a Child.
To promote successful and positive daily interactions, in the Montessori community we encourage Grace and Courtesy.
Grace refers to graceful movements by adults and children within the community, which are practiced to become more careful and precise.
Courtesy refers to the grace extended to others and to the courteous social interactions, which are culturally based. It is the relation of offering kindness towards others, and is part of learning good manners, to interact within the community. The child at this age is beginning his/her social relations and social development.
Grace and Courtesy shows respect to oneself and to others. In our 3 to 6 environment, we work on particular exercises done with the children during which they create a common social situation and then act out the proper courtesies to use in that situation. These lessons include, but are not limited to:
- greeting someone
- introducing oneself
- shaking hands
- receiving visitors apologizing/excusing oneself watching and observing others
- waiting
- taking turns
- interrupting/asking for help when needed using a quiet voice
- speaking in a polite tone
- saying please and thank you
- blowing one’s nose
- coughing and sneezing
- washing one’s hands
- inviting and refusing a partner or playmate respecting others and their space
- walking around people and objects
- sitting on and putting away a chair
- walking in line
- offering food
- caring for works, books, and the environment rolling a rug
- carrying work or objects
- being silent
- being kind
- making friends
The desire to be gracious and courteous is naturally present in the child, so as adults we seek to support these desires by gentle modeling and encouragement of this tendency. Sometimes these are explicit demonstrations, while others are simply behavior absorbed through the child’s careful observation of his/her world. Our positive model of Grace and Courtesy provide the example and environment for the development of peaceful young citizens.
Montessori at Home (Information taken from http://howwemontessori.com)
Grace and Courtesy are our framework for modeling peace, and they become great tools for life for children. As with many skills grace and courtesy needs to be modeled constantly, children look up to the adults around
them and will often pick up on and follow our behaviors. Although social behavior may differ from family to family, here are a few opportunities to take to teach grace and courtesy at home:
- Carrying a tray, basket, plate or glass without spilling.
- Moving around the room/house with respect to others, pushing in chairs quietly, putting items down nicely (not banging/stomping around). Moving about the room and in public without hitting or running into/bumping into others, passing others.
- Using courteous language when appropriate. ‘Hello’, ‘Excuse me’, ‘Thank you’, ‘No thank you’, ‘May I?’
- Opening and holding open doors and gates for others and closing gently/softly without slamming.
- Listening when others are speaking.
- Waiting for a turn before speaking.
- Introducing themselves. Greeting a person.
- Being a host. Offering food, drink to others. Helping guests around the house.
- Being a guest. Ringing the doorbell, knocking on the door nicely, taking shoes off at the door (if this is the custom). Behaving respectfully when visiting friends.
- Coughing, sneezing appropriately. Hand-washing afterwards.
- Offering food and serving others. Serve to others before yourself. Taking dishes to the sink when finished. Using a napkin and eating utensils (age) appropriately.
- Offering help to others.
- Asking to join in a group game or work activity.
- Apologizing.
- Dealing with conflict.
- Asking a question (asking a librarian for a book is a good start). Asking for help children do this at school everyday.
- Placing and order at or store or paying for goods – markets are a great informal location to children to practice this.
- Saying ‘thank you’.
- Eating out (in a formal setting) appropriately.
- Taking turns and waiting for a turn.
- Speaking and interacting with other members of the community – postman, dentist, doctor, nurse.
- Leaving the room before and/or saying ‘excuse me’.